Is It A Good Idea To Use “time Out” On Children?
The “time out” is a strategy that comes from the English “time out” and that was used often leaving the children after a bad behavior in an isolated place and alone. Until not long ago it was a technique that was often used in schools and also at home.
Time was misapplied
If a teacher had a student with inappropriate behavior in class, the easiest thing was to leave him in the hallway just so that he would not follow the class (and that he would not bother either) or send him to a classroom with other younger students so that he would feel a little embarrassed . It was a very widespread technique and it was useless, other than to find balance in the class … but the student still did not know what was wrong with him and felt that this was a punishment imposed.
At home it was a bit the same, parents who did not know how to handle inappropriate behavior, preferred to take their child out of the room until he calmed down (and so did they). And this is really not bad, but it will be if you do not accompany your child in this period of time away, if you leave him alone … it will not do any good.
In misapplied time out, the child will feel abandoned and will not understand what to do to behave better. If the child feels that it is a punishment, he will feel worse about himself and it will be difficult for him to manage the behaviors and only power struggles and worse behaviors will start.
May be a bad idea
Time out is also known as standby time, because it is really just that: waiting. And I want to make you understand that this type of strategy will be a bad idea if you do not accompany your child in the emotional process and understanding of the behavior that he has had at a certain moment. Children need the attention of their parents to understand their behavior and be able to modify it, but it is necessary to wait for the “storm to pass”.
A time out is much better than yelling or hitting a child (the latter should never be done, it is also punishable). But if you don’t use wait times well, they can worsen children’s behavior.
How the child’s behavior can get worse and why
Children think they are bad
If time out is used without reasoning with the child and without taking into account his emotions, he is likely to feel that he is a bad child. This will cause them to have low self-esteem and make bad behavior worse because they will think that it is really what others expect of them.
They do not help them understand their emotions
A time away misused without the adult accompanying and guiding the child, will not teach children to calm down and much less will know how to control and regulate their emotions. If you send your child to the room to calm down, he will eventually do so, but he will not be able to learn to improve that behavior on his own next time.
They feel we abandon emotionally
In timeouts or waiting times, children feel that they are left emotionally and that it doesn’t matter how they feel. It’s like leaving a child behind just at the moment they need you the most. If children feel this way, they will think that they are not worthy of the love of others. It is awful!
Parents will not understand their child’s perspective
Although it is true that when children are in the middle of a tantrum they cannot be talked to because they will not attend to reasons, at the moment of calm it is necessary to go back to what has happened in order to understand their position and that they understand their parents. If parents don’t try to put their child’s behavior into perspective, the emotional bond can weaken.
Children need to feel a bond of trust and communication with their parents, only in this way can they improve their behavior, otherwise, if parents abuse punishment or time out, bad behavior will continue to occur. Positive discipline will always be the best option for the education of children.
