How To Talk To Your Teenager And Make Him Feel Accepted
Being a parent of a teenage child is not easy at all. They are in a complicated stage in which they only think about themselves and their friends. Sometimes parents may feel that there is a communication barrier that cannot be overcome and they are unable to speak with their adolescent child.
It is often thought that it is just a phase that they must pass, but, in reality, it is the ideal time to work on communication and the affective bond between you and your adolescent child.
Your teenager requires you
He will not tell you because he is building his identity and he wants to show you that he is able to function in the world with total autonomy. But the reality is that your teenager needs you now just as he has always needed you. You need to have empathy and patience with teens to prevent them from feeling that your communication is a desperate attempt to confront them.
Parents feel threatened because they believe that they are losing control of their children and that it is the beginning of going their separate ways. The adolescent no longer shares what happens to him in his world and the parents feel that they are excluded. They notice this feeling like a dagger stuck in the heart …
But beyond this, the father may think that his son is hiding something from him. In reality, it is not that he is hiding anything, it is that the adolescent is also struggling internally, has his own internal struggles and is continually battling. He is going through an important transition and, therefore, even if he does not tell you, he needs you by his side.
Your child needs to feel confident enough with you to feel accepted and know that you listen to him when he talks to you. Your teenager is trying to figure out who he is and how he fits into the world he is in. So she needs you to speak kindly to her through words that she understands and feels motivating.
Communicate how your teenager feels most comfortable
You can try new methods. How do teens communicate most of the time? They often choose to use social media sites, especially Facebook, even if their friend is easily accessible for real, face-to-face conversation.
Texting is popular too ; teens are texting each other, even when they’re sitting next to each other in class or standing several feet apart on the schoolyard.
They text when they just said goodbye at the end of the day. It may all seem unfathomable to adults, but if teens are more comfortable communicating in this way, then don’t be afraid to join. Your child’s preferred media can open a path for conversation.
Once you break the ice, you can suggest that they continue the conversation face-to-face. If you send messages on Facebook, be sure to use the “send a message” function and do not post your comments on their wall, where all their friends can see them.
That would spell total embarrassment and make things worse! Even if what you have written is completely harmless. No self-respecting teenager wants to be seen participating in Facebook chat with a parent.
Find time together
Take time to be with your child; remember that there is nothing more important than him right now. It is very rare for teens to proactively approach parents, so when this step is taken, it is something to be respected, whatever the issue.
It may be a trivial topic or just general conversation, but it is opening the door for new conversations when things need to be talked about.
At the end of a more ‘meaningful’ conversation, always ask if there is anything else your teen would like to talk about and, even if he seems embarrassed, reiterate that you will always be available to talk about anything and that you enjoy these opportunities.
Create connection opportunities
It’s very difficult to connect with a teenager when they can quickly ‘get away’ from you by hanging out with friends or going to their bedroom. If you need to have time to talk or just have a little chance to be with your teen to improve the connection, try thinking of a way to do it on your own without being open.
Many parents make the mistake of focusing too much attention on the teenager by suggesting a day together somewhere they would like to go, or a shopping trip to buy new clothes. Unfortunately, teens in that ‘awkward’ stage may feel patronized by these generous gestures or your attention, and they reply that they don’t need your help.
Try to reverse the situation by saying that you need their help, perhaps to choose a new set of clothes, or to undertake a task that you have been putting off because it is emotionally difficult for you. Or open up to them about something you want to comment on. This can work because it conveys that you view your adolescent as an adult with opinions that you value and the ability to make contributions to your daily life.
