How To Help Parents Who Have Lost A Child

Losing a child is the hardest thing that can happen to parents, it is something that they can never overcome or overcome, simply try to learn to live with it.

Losing a child is much worse than you can imagine right now if you have never had to go through it. You can see news on social media or on television of families losing children and your heart sinks, but we can’t imagine how deeply the pain can penetrate.

But perhaps in your close environment you know parents who have had to go through this misfortune. It could be a friend, family member, or neighbor. You may have lived through the tragedy too close to your life and are trying to bring out the best part of yourself with some well-meaning advice to try to make downcast and totally grief-stricken parents feel better.

But saying that things are going to go well does not work. When a child dies you cannot make sense of that horrible truth where everyone suffers.

Most of us are not used to dealing with this type of situation and perhaps the reactions are somewhat clumsy and not very useful, or at least not as much as we would like them to be. But it is true that in the process, some tips can help you connect with the grief and help you understand the situation.

Can’t fix

First of all, before approaching parents immersed in pain, you must be aware that it cannot be fixed, death has marked the end of their child’s life.

The loss of a child cannot be cured, but if you can do some things so that the pain does not end with them, your kindness can help them without you noticing.

Don’t use phrases that go nowhere

There are times when phrases are said without thinking that once said they reverberate in our heads and we regret having pronounced each of the letters. Things like: “At least he is no longer suffering”, “Now he will be in a better place”, “Surely from where he is he is seeing us now. .. ”these phrases do not help at all.

Don’t tell them how to grieve

Who could tell someone how to grieve in the face of the most horrible tragedy of his life? It cannot be done and when the funeral is over, parents broken by grief cannot return to their social and work life as usual.

They need an acceptance process and each one has a rhythm that must be respected. The pain will become a new part of the parents’ lives because it will never disappear, but they must learn to live with it and with these difficult feelings to cope with.

It’s something that is never overcome

If you want to help parents in the face of the loss of their child, when five years have passed, do not expect that they have overcome it, nor when they have passed 20 or 35. The death of a child is never overcome, you learn to live with it, but never (You can never) get over it and live as if nothing happened.

Listen to them without judging

You need to listen to them, they will need to talk and vent their pain in some way. Don’t speak, just listen… don’t judge, just understand. If you want to be a good support, go home even if they are in pain and let them talk, cry, cry with them, let them hug you and give them all your unconditional support.

But don’t assume they want to be alone. Help them clean the house, meet them for lunch and cook for them, take them to dinner at a restaurant, etc. Wait a fair amount of time before asking them out, but make them feel close to you at all times.

Be patient with their changes

Getting used to living with pain is not easy and it takes a long time to do so. Different phases will have to be passed over and over again. They will have to create a new normal, with new traditions, points of view are changing and they are becoming a different person than they were before the death of their son . Be patient and don’t walk away from these parents.