Help Your Child Cope With The Death Of A Loved One

The loss of a loved one can be a shock to anyone, although each person goes through their grief in their own way. However, coping with the death of a loved one is very difficult for children and usually depends on their age. 

For this reason, helping our children to face this unfortunate and inevitable moment becomes a complicated task while oneself undertakes the painful mourning. Well, in the face of these losses, we suffer a hard blow that we assume as best we can, thinking about how to explain to the child what has just happened.

Pay attention because in this You Are Mom article we tell you some details about child grief, as well as we offer you a series of tips to help your child cope with the death of a loved one.

A matter of age

The position of the child to face the death of a loved one depends mainly on his age, his life experiences and his personality. Well, according to these factors, the main problem that the child faces is the very concept of death.

For example,  preschool-age children conceive death as a return journey, that is, something that can be changed. Death is not something fixed but variable, for them it is reversed because they do not treasure the weight of never again or forever.

Being older, between five and ten years old, the child formed the concept in a more real way, although they think that neither they nor their loved ones are exposed to this threat ; that is, they know it exists but they think it only happens to strangers.

In any case, facing the death of a loved one is not easy when the family environment will be affected. It is essential here not only to express our pain but also to help the child to express his feelings, without being self-conscious or hiding.

It is important to attend to the child’s behavior. Sadness is normal but, after a while of the event, details should be considered: if it continues to be excessively sad, if it tries to show that nothing painful happened or that they do not assimilate the death of the loved one, that is, deny the event.

Grief in children

People in mourning suffer from the emptiness of never being able to hug that special being again. When having children, you suffer twice: facing your own recovery process, but also helping the child to cope with the death of a loved one.

As parents, we do not want to see our little ones badly. However, it is impossible to hide a reality as palpable as the final departure of a family member or friend. Specialists reveal that taking a long time to tell what happened can be harmful to the boy.

Is it okay to take children to funerals? , is a recurring question. The reality is that it depends on you and the child. According to experts, it is okay for children to participate in the grief ritual, as long as they wish. You must first explain what happens at a funeral or burial and let them decide.

Child’s reactions to death

To help your child cope with the death of a loved one, you must consider the close relationship the child had with the deceased. The closer they are, the reaction will be more marked, which will bring out their pain abruptly, taking the form of nightmares, an irascible and violent attitude towards their environment, etc.

Likewise, the child may experience a setback or regression in the evolutionary process, for which they begin to take actions from previous stages of growth that have already been overcome to get our attention. For this reason, all these indications must be considered in time as symptoms of a wrong elaboration of mourning.

Pay attention to signs such as the inability to be alone and excessive fear of the dark, which can cause intense fear. Even the social interaction of the child speaks of how he can face the death of a loved one because he refuses to play with them, isolates himself and lowers his school performance.

There are also factors that can mark what is known as “Pathological Grief” : the child’s loss of interest in those things that previously attracted him, loss of appetite, the manifestation of the desire to leave with the deceased person, imitation or speaking in excess of the deceased.

Language helps cope with the death of a loved one

If you want to help your child cope with the death of a loved one, it is imperative to be honest with the child and encourage them to ask questions, even when they think they don’t have the answers. Creating an atmosphere of trust and openness will be vital to coping with that loss.

The ideal is to explain the death to the child using a specific language regarding the circumstances that led that person to death and, calmly and in a reasonable way, state that that loved one will no longer be able to return.

In addition, specialists recommend not using infamous euphemisms such as “he has gone away” or “he is sleeping” or “he is lost”, since they can create great confusion and even awaken unusual fears in children.

An honest, simple, clear and precise language is essential to help the child cope with the death of a loved one. At the same time, children need to be given space, as well as to be understood and treated with patience so that they can express their grief in their own way.