Are We The Parents We Want To Be?

Have you ever stopped for a few moments to think if you are carrying motherhood or fatherhood as you dreamed it? Are we really the parents we want to be? Undoubtedly, it is one of the reflections that can cause the most frustration in those who give everything for their children.

There are several obstacles that prevent us from becoming what we have in mind when we learn that we will be craftsmen of an innocent new life. Although nowadays information abounds on the internet and more and more specialists are leading the way, many other details deviate us from it.

Today it is very difficult to be the parents we want to be. It is not allowed, it is frowned upon and – consequently – we do not allow it ourselves. All the information that comes to our hands and the desire to be the best for our little ones make us think that we are doing everything wrong.

The social weight simply becomes another relevant factor. Well, family, friends and even complete strangers will be attentive to what we do with the children. To help or for whatever reason, this modifies our behavior and act as mothers and fathers.

A separate chapter would deserve the gradual loss of family connection. Well, this is the key element to understand the reasons why adults tend to lose the reins before the minimum conflict that arises. Yes, believe it or not, an ingrained bond with your children saves entire homes.

The connection brings us closer to being the parents we want

To become the parents we want, it is necessary to connect with the child, and for this it is vital to share quality time with them. However, you are most likely wrong. It’s not about putting together big plans or just showing up.

This connection is about knowing what is happening without a word, about seeing beyond your child’s eyes. Understand their behaviors, their laughs and their cries. Know your motivations, frustrations and deepest desires.

Now, the reality is that to get to this point we also have to understand perfectly what happens to ourselves. Let’s be honest, if we do not interpret ourselves, even less to those beings so beautifully fresh and indecipherable.

Put yourself in situation. You identify a certain problem but you do not have the ability to offer a respectful solution because you simply want to settle the situation. So that tension and despair takes you away from a more assertive reaction, thus taking you away from positive discipline.

This is how we adults tend to put our interests and priorities first, at a point in a more comfortable way, overcome by daily fatigue. Life may, in a sense, lead us to forget that motherhood demands high levels of dedication and sacrifice on our part.

The routine, the enemy that threatens our wishes

Day to day tends to progressively hurt this relationship that should be immaculate. “Later we play” is a clear example of our predilection for occupations to the detriment of our children. Of course it is understandable, what is not understood are the resolutions that we find.

Many will take the interruption of the minor as an annoyance, others – somewhat less wise – will appeal to shouts and punishments of all kinds for the child who only demands time. In the daily maelstrom we demand ridiculousness such as that the child presents a practically adult behavior.

We force them to do what they do not want or have to do, we do not allow them to play, or cry, or make noise. It seems impossible then to understand that we are in front of a little one who acts like one, much less remember that we were once children. To put yourself in their shoes or speak.

Of course, every parent can be wrong. We all do it. However, the important thing here is basically knowing how to recognize it and apologize for the case. Empathize and allow yourself to feel what they feel in order to offer a response at their level.

Old ways, other rivals to our ideal parenting

Indeed, some techniques typical of the old methods keep us away from the youngest. Our greatness as parents then resides in modifying what does not yield good results. Perhaps your child’s education goes through a different side than that of rewards, threats, and punishments.

Perhaps an upbringing based on mutual respect, on the inclusion of all the voices of the home that you formed is idealized. After all, most parents have only one common goal: the full happiness of their children.

Only by lighting this flame of happiness and joy alive will it be possible to achieve their security, autonomy, self-esteem and self-love. You are still on time: cover every affective deficiency you detect and develop your emotional intelligence from scratch.

Don’t forget, treat your child as equals and remember that reaching their heart can be easy if you really put your mind to it. Observe, listen, imitate, ask questions, and lead by example. Never think that it is too late to take the steering wheel that will lead you to success in this beautiful mission that involves motherhood.