Children With High Demands
Children can be very demanding as well as persistent, something that is most common at an early age. On the other hand, children with high demands are those who never seem to be satisfied and who continually demand your attention, without the possibility of giving you a break. What are the characteristics of these children? How to deal with them?
How are children with high demands?
Children with high demands are those boys and girls who manifest a difficult temperament, while being very demanding with their parents. The main characteristic that these children have is that they require the attention of their parents and adults on a constant basis, something that triggers their upbringing to be especially exhausting.
These children need continuous physical contact, which is why they are very common to manifest separation anxiety. They are skittish children and not lonely at all, so obviously they are not enthusiastic about loneliness and long time alone.
However, despite the strong temperament that characterizes them, they are usually also very sensitive children. For this reason, parents must be especially careful when talking about the child, since they are usually quite attentive to criticism.
Why are they so demanding?
According to clinical psychologist Úrsula Perona, the child’s demands are not the result of a whim. Their claim for attention is based on the fact that they need more attention, more affection and more contact with the adult.
Perona delves into how exhausting it can be to raise children with high demands, and explains that this demand for attention should not necessarily always be met by attachment figures. In fact, it encourages seeking sources of support, since what the child especially needs is continuous attention from adults.
How to confront children with high demands?
As we already know, the demands of children with high demands do not come from a particular whim: it is their temperament and their character. Therefore, the way in which we should approach his upbringing is to teach him to know how to manage his demands and demands.
- Knowing how to accept “no” for an answer. From childhood, children have to learn that they cannot get everything they want, and that rejection is part of life. Make your child understand that some of his demands will be welcomed at times, but not at others.
- Ask, don’t demand. We must understand that children need attention and care, and that their survival instinct alerts them that they depend on us. The younger the child, the more demanding they will be. However, they must understand that they must claim our attention and ask us for their wishes and needs politely (please, thank you…). Let him know that he needs to change his tone.
- Try to avoid complaining or badmouthing him when he’s in front of you. We must be very careful with comments such as “I am very fed up” or “ with this child it is impossible.” As Perona warns, there is a risk of Self-fulfilling Prophecy.
- Show special attention when the child behaves appropriately. The goal of high demand children is to attract the attention of parents and adults. In this way, if they realize that they get your attention when they show good behavior, they will continue in that same line.
- Don’t give in to their demands. Using the broken record technique, indifference or initiating a distraction in any other matter are some of the best ways to avoid giving in to children with high demands.
Raising a child with high demands can end up being very frustrating, and parents will likely end up feeling guilty. They think it is because they are being pampered too much or it is that there is something they are not doing well, when, simply, it is the child’s character and personality.
